Rose Maria ~ Baptism

I'm playing catch-up while Rose is taking a nap. Hopefully I get this post completed today as she will be awake soon. :)

Rose Maria was baptized on Sunday May 27th, 2012. It was a bittersweet event because the Friday before this my Granny (Rose's Great Granny) passed away.

Why must everything be "bittersweet"? I remember asking my mom that very question before the baptism and after Granny was gone. I said, "Can't something for once just be SWEET!?".

It was emotional for us and I remember going up to Fr. Shane before he started and he asked about Rose's "beautiful dress". He asked if there was any history to it. I explained that it was made by three generations: Rose's Great Granny, Rose's Grandma (my mom) and Rose's mom. We each had a hand it it. I then told him that Granny was not with us, that she just passed away on Friday. He had a look of utter shock. I also mentioned that her sister Sofia was not with us if he could remember them both during the service. His jaw almost hit the floor.

Fr. Shane married us at the same church back in 2001. He's the nicest, most friendly and fun priest I've ever known. When Sofia died, he was in Italy so he didn't come to the hospital (another priest did instead). So even though Sofia is mentioned in many church services he likely did not realize she was our daughter.

He did a great job and we had so many family members show up for Rose's big day. There were a few tears when Granny, the dress and Sofia were mentioned but there were many smiles too as Rose was baptized. I don't have a picture of it but at one point Fr. Shane held Rose and she just smiled at him. It was very cute.

She slept through part of the ceremony and didn't cry too much although I think she was ready to get the dress off and be in more comfy clothes!

We had a gathering at our house after and Tim grilled the home made Italian sausages made by her Nonno (my Dad). It was a good time and gave us a break from the sadness of our very recent loss. At the end of the evening I opened some gifts and my mom handed me a card last. I opened it and began to cry. It was a card that Granny had signed and put money in (in advance). My mom found it at her house. We just wish she could have been there to see the dress in it's completed state and to see Rose wearing it so well.

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

5 Months

This post is a bit out-dated since Rose is already 5 1/2 months old but I want to get it out there so here goes... :) Time keeps on flying and I'm amazed at how fast baby Rose is growing!! Sometimes she is the spitting image of me at this age and other times she really resembles Tim. Her eyes are still very blue- not the gray/blue that turns to brown; they are BLUE! We're starting to think they might stay that way. No teeth cutting through yet but she is a little drool-monster! Soon! I love being her mom and thankful she's in our lives. She gets me through the day when I'm down. She also is exhausting at this age but that's ok. :)

Five Months

Weight: 15 lbs (weighed by us)

Length: 27.5"

Head Circumference: 17.5"

Diaper Size: Size 2

Clothing Size: 6 months (a few 6-9 mo clothes)

Milestones: She has learned how to scream & squeal and is quite impressed with herself. She likes to purse her lips and blow bubbles. She still does the army crawl and is getting better at it. Still on rice cereal but introducing it slowly as she is only interested for a short time. She isn't sitting up on her own yet so we're working on that. Whenever I pick her up I have her "help" me. I say "ready, up" and hold her hands and help her sit up. She smiles then I pick her up. Very grabby- tries to grab anything in sight and within reach. Still very smiley at anyone who smiles at her and generally a very happy baby!

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

Four Months!

I think I say this at every milestone but wow, she is growing so fast! Sunday, May 20th, Rose turned 4 months old.  A lot has been going on in our lives in the past couple weeks which has kept me from my computer but I'll save that for another post.

I'm amazed at how much of a difference 4 months can make. We have an entirely new baby on our hands (well, sort of). She has started teething for sure now-still no teeth poking through the gums, but it is evident that they must hurt-and as a result she has many more 'fussy' moments compared to months 1-3.

Rose is so talkative now. It's cute how many new sounds she makes and how impressed she seems to be with herself when every now & then she lets out a big 'roar' in the mirror, almost scaring herself. Lots of gurgles, giggles, bubbles and coos. Sometimes it almost sounds like she's saying "hi".

She's becoming a pro at using her cries to her own advantage. They say in the books that you can't spoil a baby the first year and that they don't start to use manipulation this soon either, but I have my doubts about that. Where it used to be clear that she either needed a diaper change or a bottle, her cries now also include being tired and "pick me up, dang it!!". She used to be so content just hanging out in her swing, on her play mat or bouncer. She still likes the play mat but hasn't used the swing in a long time and the bouncer she only tolerates for short periods (long enough to jump in the shower quick). Just the other day I put her in the bouncer so I could shower and I told her, "be a good girl, mommy's going to shower now". She went from a big smile to sticking out her lower lip. I laughed and told her to put that lip away and she gave me a huge smile back. Yep, she's totally playing us now.

Since she no longer hangs out in her swing we decided to invest in a high chair so she could sit with us at the table. We also bought her an exer-saucer which she likes so far, but only for a short while. It was funny the first time she sat/stood in it. Talk about over-stimulation! She kept looking at all the objects making noise and was trying to figure them out.

We started giving her some rice cereal the other day. Right now it's only once a day & a 'soupy' consistency. She was a bit unsure of the spoon at first but eventually was all *messy* smiles. She probably didn't get much in her belly but it was a start.

Rose has been turning over from back to belly for awhile now but the instances were few & far between. That is, until this past week.  She finally figured out how to quickly flip over and now every time she is put onto her back she immediately flips. Unfortunately for us, she hasn't mastered flipping over from belly to back. This makes for an 'interesting' night. She flips to her belly & gets frustrated and cries until we come in and flip her back over. There have been several sleepless nights lately. She needs to learn this quick, so she can turn on her own!

She went in for her 4 month shots last week - poor girl! As usual she was happy until the nurse came in with the shots. This visit the nurse had Rose's legs hang down over the table and she put her body against Rose's legs at the knee to keep her from squirming away. I felt so bad!! She had a shot in each leg and she freaked out after she was startled from the first needle. Her face turned bright red and she held her breath for what seemed like a minute but was probably more like 15-20 seconds. I picked her up right away and tried to console her. She was NOT happy. :( We gave her the rest of her bottle and she was fine. I have a feeling with each visit as she grows older and more aware it will be more of a struggle and she'll have more fits. I can't say I blame her - I've never been a fan of getting shots myself.

Four Months

Weight: 13 lb 7 oz (43.18%)

Length: 24.5" (56.88%)

Head Circumference: 16.73" (85.78%)

Diaper Size: Size 2

Clothing Size: 6 months

Milestones: Quickly turns over from back to belly, 'talks' a lot more, tries to crawl when pushing feet against something (more like scooting/army crawl), starting rice cereal.

Rose with Rose the elephant at 4 months

From Our Rainbow

"I'm THIS big!" ~4 months old!!!

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First time in exer-saucer, checking out all the neat toys

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She really was intrigued by the blue parrot at first

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Trying Rice Cereal for the first time, not sure what this whole spoon thing is about

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Once she realized it was food, she was all smiles!

From Our Rainbow

Mother's Day

Mother's Day this year was bittersweet. It's a lot different having a living child for this holiday than it was last year with a baby in heaven. Except that this year I had both. I've been crying a lot this week and can't seem to point it to one thing in particular. I'm just sad and frustrated. On Saturday morning I was driving with Rose and a thought entered my mind - one that has repeated over & over since we lost Sofia - that I have this constant feeling that something is out of place. The best way I can describe it now that I have Rose is the feeling I would have if we went about our daily lives but forgot her somewhere. That feeling like I need to go and get her...except that Sofia can't be picked up and that feeling (I imagine) will never go away.

I'd like to say I now feel 'complete' and I think a lot of people want to believe that we are, as a family, complete, now that Rose is here. The truth is we will never be complete although Rose definitely brings us so much joy every single day and for that we are extremely grateful. To think she was conceived around Mother's Day last year is kind of neat to think about. It was an early gift for that holiday as well as an anniversary gift the morning we found out she was on the way.

 I was catching up on some of the blogs I follow and from one blog was led to another and quickly my sadness for the week intensified. I was happy to read another BLM had her rainbow baby and he is doing well (very good news!!!) but from her blog I found another BLM who lost her rainbow baby - a girl- at 36 weeks, just one week shy of her scheduled c-section. She was told never to carry a baby again and is now looking for a surrogate. Ugh. I just can't imagine and I'm angry for her. That story got me thinking- I've recently been thinking ahead to when we might have another baby and we've been discussing how many more we would like to have, etc. Today I'm just thankful and GRATEFUL for Rose. I'm very lucky to have the opportunity to hold, kiss, hug & love her living body every day. I also felt a bit greedy thinking about having more babies. We're lucky to have what we do. Then there is the fear of something going wrong again. Even though Rose was born with no complications that doesn't mean we're exempt forever. It's such a hard road, and one I never imagined I would be on.

A week before Mother's day I had a nasty cold which I caught from baby Rose. That weekend I decided to take some photos of Rose in my studio at home and order prints as Mother's Day gifts for her grandmas. I'm a bit biased of course, but I have to say- what a beauty we have!! :) Most of the snapshot photos I have of her are of her big grin and squinty eyes from smiling. It was fun to see the more "serious side" of our girl, with her eyes wide open. I threw a headband and tutu on her and she was ready to go! I thought she'd hate the tutu material but she LOVED it. (Uh-oh- we have a 'girly-girl' on our hands, ha!)  Since she's now at the stage of pulling E-V-E-R-Y-thing up to her mouth, she had a fun time trying to eat the tutu. She wasn't fussy one bit, in fact she was a little ham. Then she did some tummy time and actually enjoyed it. Here are some of the photos from that shoot:

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

Like many other holidays, this one was same in that we drove all over town to see everyone which made for an exhausting day. In the morning I had a gift that Tim insists was from "the kids" (Sofia, Sam, Rose, Mitty, Moose & Maggie) Here is Rose, 'talking' to me.

From Our Rainbow

Awhile back I had shown Tim a cool lady bug ring on Etsy. I was truly surprised when I opened the gift to see that inside! There was also a gift certificate to a spa & I can't wait to use it!

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

Rose & her "Grandma G" (my mom) over at my Granny's house:

From Our Rainbow

Rose & her Great Granny (my Granny, mom's side):

From Our Rainbow

She rolled over!!!

If you read my blogs you've probably noticed I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. If you read my last post you know why. ;) I try to spend every bit of time I can with Rose and blogging has taken a back seat.  I'm trying to find balance though, because the blogging in my head has to stop, LOL. I need to clear my thoughts out before they start piling up.

Anyway, this post is just to say that Rose rolled over in her crib for the first time ever Sunday morning!!

It was approx. 5:00 am and I woke up to her fussing on the monitor. I looked over at the video screen and was shocked! That's one way to get my tired butt out of bed in a hurry! I ran into her room and turned her over then picked her up. Even though I felt bad I used my best voice of encouragement because she has been trying to turn over for quite a while now and she did it! (She just couldn't figure out what to do about it once she was face down.)

When I went back to our bedroom to turn off the monitor I noticed that the screen still had a still image of her face down with a "NO SIGNAL" message (because I had turned off the monitor in her room).  So of course I had to snap a quick picture of it. How many people catch that on camera anyway? It was one of her many firsts and I was happy to have a record of it.

Now I really will be waking up with every noise!!!

Here she is:

From Our Rainbow

Carpe Diem

The past week I've been reflecting a lot on the last couple years. I've been crying quite a bit, missing Sofia and wishing she was here. Seeing babies- make that toddlers-that were born around the same time as Sofia is like a slap in the face of the cold reality that time moves on but the image of her remains unchanged.

Tim & I both feel now just as strongly as we did back in 2010 that Sofia has made us realize how important it is to appreciate what we have in life. We didn't want to shut down and not live life. We did our best (and it hasn't been easy) to remain strong - but allow ourselves to fall down now & then. We didn't waste any time trying for our second, then third baby. 

Now that Rose is here, we kiss her sweet cheeks constantly, hug & snuggle her as often as possible, play and smile every day. We absolutely love every minute- even when she's crying. We're fortunate to have an "easy" baby, but part of me thinks she's "easy" because we are patient and devote as much time as we can to loving & caring for her. She is our top priority and we try to "seize the day" every day with her.

Yesterday was first time I had heard about a little baby girl named Avery. She was born on 11-11-11 and was diagnosed with SMA. She was given 18 months to live and her parents created a bucket list for her. It was such a touching story to read and while it made me sad, it was inspiring.  

Today, sadly, I read that yesterday afternoon she unexpectedly passed away. I probably shouldn't have read her blog over my lunch at my desk at work because I was literally trying to hold back tears. I was thinking about the pain the parents must be feeling over their loss. I was also thinking about Rose and how this baby was only a couple months older than her...and that even though we have ourselves experienced the loss of a child, I could not imagine losing a baby at 5 months of age. 

I told Tim about it (he actually was the one who told me about the story to begin with) and he was shocked and sad that they were robbed of what little time they had left. I'm glad that the parents chose to make that bucket list and raise awareness of SMA at the same time. 

I believe that we all serve some purpose in this lifetime and I think that while it seems like Avery was taken too soon, the timing of it seemed strange...like she was here, she made her mark, she & her blog quickly made headlines and raised awareness, and now she is gone, in heaven.

So when I got home from work today you can bet I kissed Rose a few more times, hugged & snuggled a bit more than usual, played and smiled as long as she wanted to, and thanked God for letting us spend our days with our little girl. We won't take her for granted ever- that is a promise.

Three Months

Everyone tells you to enjoy all the baby moments because it goes so fast.  This is so true! Rose is changing in what feels like a blink of an eye. How is she already 3 months? No longer a newborn, she is growing and very alert. Her 3 month milestone was on Friday, the 20th.

The other day I decided to view some of the video we had recorded starting at the hospital after Rose was born along with her first day at home. She was SO itsy bitsy! The little cries have changed, her size has changed, it all has! I'm so glad we have the stages on video and hope we continue remembering to capture things. Whenever she does something cute (this is a regular occurrence, ha!), we turn on the video recorder and get a few minutes of whatever it is she's doing. 

With her being three months it meant me going back to work. Talk about separation anxiety... I had a hard time the first day back, mostly in the morning at home before work. I started on a Friday (Friday the 13th!). The superstitious side of me was a bit worried about that but the logical side of me thought it was great. It wasn't a day I picked; it just landed that way after 12 weeks maternity leave. It made for an easy day, knowing I was just cleaning out emails and after work it was the weekend again. My mom came over in the morning and stayed at our house all day to watch Rose. It might sound crazy but when I handed Rose over to my mom I started crying & said I didn't want to go to work. I felt like I was saying good-bye (and not see ya later today). All the emotions/memories of saying good-bye to Sofia flooded into my head. Ugh. I had to keep reminding myself that it isn't good-bye, just see you after work. Still, it was hard.This past week was a tough one too. It isn't easy dropping off your little one when you feel like you should be the one caring for her all day. Still working out many kinks with the grandparents who are watching her. Talk about a challenge & a headache. Sigh... On a positive note, my schedule gets me out of work earlier which allows me to get home to Rose sooner each night. I'll have at least 4 hours with her before bedtime so I'm glad about that.

We're so fortunate & blessed to have such a happy, easy baby. She generally only cries when she wants something (new diaper, bottle, or she's bored). If all babies were this easy we'd be called the Duggars (kidding). We think Rose is pretty darn cute & we're loving every minute of our time with her.

Three Months

Weight: 12.5 lbs (approximate, using our own scale)

Length: 24.5 inches (our own measurements)

Diaper Size: Just changing over from size 1 to size 2

Clothing Size: 3 months & 3-6 months. Feet are snug on 0-3 months/3 months

Milestones: continues to smile, coos, follows objects/people with her eyes, still self-soothes using her own hand but will occasionally accept a pacifier (only a certain kind), very mobile & alert, happiest on her back where she can kick her arms & legs around, moves all over the place in her crib at night- wakes up on opposite end of crib in opposite direction. Still sleeping through the night (has since 8 weeks!!) Holds her head up most of the time. Starting to reach for and hold onto things including her own clothes, attempts to bring them to her mouth. Has been laughing in her sleep and just started laughing out loud. Loves her play mat with the bees and her bouncer where she stares at "Mr. Bee". Starting to "meet" new toys with faces and she smiles away at them- so cute!

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow

From Our Rainbow