7 Weeks

How is it possible that Rose is over 7 weeks old already!? Even though most days blend together and we're usually hanging out in the family room at home, it is amazing how quickly each week is flying by.

The day after Rose turned one month old we moved her up to size 1 diapers. It really made a difference in the poop-up-the-back incidents. They were huge on her at first but now they seem to fit just right. She's also outgrown most of her newborn clothes. :( I love that she is growing but sad that our tiny girl isn't so tiny anymore. She's wearing 0-3 month clothes but they are kind of baggy on her. She's so long though, so her legs & feet have more room to stretch.

Until last night (more on that below), Rose still slept in her bassinet next to our bed all warm & cozy in her sleep sack & night shirt. No matter how I place her in the bassinet she manages to move herself over to one side. It must feel safer for her, like she's snuggled up in my arm. It's kind of cute but at the same time, it makes me worry.  I move her but in less than 5 minutes she's right back to her favorite spot again. The bassinet has some mesh material on the sides that is breathable. When she isn't in the bassinet you can see an indention where she pushes up against it.

Second day at home in bassinet with the incline:

From Our Rainbow

Napping & growing- removable incline in bassinet; this was just before we removed that part:

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Daytime nap without the incline:

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Morning, just before waking:

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Good morning baby girl!

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So far I've had 3 times away from Rose. The first was for my 6 month dentist appointment which lasted approximately 1.5 hours. My mom came over to watch her and the dentist is close to our home. The hard part was leaving because she was awake and slightly fussy. I thought of her the entire time! She slept the whole time so that was good.

The next time was a quick one hour trip to Michael's craft store. Tim watched her after work so I could get out & buy a few things without taking baby. She slept the entire time.

The most recent outing for me was a week ago last Saturday for Mom Prom. A group of us got together and dressed up, went out for dinner and headed to the prom for a night of GIRLS ONLY dancing & fun all for a good cause. It was a blast! Although not down to the size I'd like to be, I was happy to fit in a nice fitted dress and not feel like a cow. The proceeds of the prom went to Ted E Bear Hollow, an organization that helps children & teens cope with loss of loved ones.  Before I left to start out the night, I fed Rose. She was awake when I left and a little fussy so I felt bad but Tim told me to just go & have fun. That was around 5:45 pm. We had dinner at a restaurant at 6:00 pm and the dance started at 7:00 pm at a local hotel. There was a DJ who played all sorts of dance songs that ranged from Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to I'm Sexy and I know it to Livin' on a Prayer. There was a table of cupcakes & snacks and a free photo booth to take goofy pics. They had some photographers on hand to take group photos and cardboard cutouts of a few famous men to pose with. It was silly & fun! I even had a couple glasses of wine for the first time in ages!!!

At approx. 11:30 pm I was still dancing (and getting quite the workout- the most I've exerted myself in a LONG time!!) when I received a text from Tim asking when I was coming home. The dance was to end at midnight but he said she had slept from 5:45 - 7:45 pm but had been crying ever since she woke up. He changed 6 diapers and gave her several bottles of pumped milk. She was not having it! As soon as I saw the text I was out the door and the whole drive home felt tremendous guilt come over me. My baby needed me & I wasn't there! I still think it was good for me to go for the girls night out since I'm inside all day/night every day, and for the past two years I've either been pregnant or grieving hard. I needed it. But I still felt horrible. When I got home I opened the door & could hear her screaming. I had to pump & dump but still had some good milk in the fridge so I made her a bottle and held her. She immediately stopped crying and fell asleep. She just needed her momma I guess! Oh boy, that was tough...

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Coincidentally (or maybe not!) ever since that night she has had gas issues and I've had a hard time keeping up with her feeding (growth spurt) in the afternoons/evenings. It has been a frustrating past week while we try to figure out how to help her. She also has some baby acne that we're trying to take care of. Poor girl is a hot mess! I had to start supplementing feedings with some formula and I'm in the midst of deciding whether or not to stop breast feeding soon or not. I go back to work April 13th and not sure I want to pump then...and if my supply is low now it will likely be lower then. Ugh. For her gas issues we've tried many remedies. Warm baths, bicycle legs, massage, gas drops, Colic Calm drops, gripe water... Poor thing is clearly in pain trying to get out the gas. We're pretty sure that is the problem because she will be calm & happy one minute then start crying out, followed by a loud fart (or several), then back to calm. The gas issue started before formula was introduced so it isn't that (although that could be not helping the matter). Hopefully we get this taken care of soon for her sake & ours. She had just started socially smiling and the gas has put a damper on her mood.

We decided to move Rose to her crib last night. It was hard to do- the crib doesn't have a 'vibrate' mode; nor does it have a rocking option for me to lightly lull her back to sleep. We have a video monitor for the crib and we talked about getting a motion sensor monitor when the time comes to move her in her room, just for peace of mind. The daughter of a friend of my mom's shipped hers to us to borrow which is so nice! If you're reading this, thank you!! I brought in the little lamb that makes sounds- her favorite seems to be the ocean. There was the added bonus- we got to listen to the ocean too, via the sound monitor. ;)

So we changed up our bedtime routine just a bit and I have to say it went very well! Rose had her bath at approx. 8:30 pm, diaper & PJ's (night shirt & sleep sack), feeding, rocking, then I put her in her crib, turned on the monitors and turned off the lights. Then I went in our room and watched the video monitor for like a 1/2 hour! Haha. Every noise I heard I had to look to see what she was doing. She fell asleep & I even saw a smile when I went to pick her up for her middle of the night feeding. She looks so little in that great big crib compared to her bassinet. I'm so glad she slept well. I did OK too, but it was sad at the same time.  I told Tim it was the first night I've been that far away from her. She was in my belly for so long then with us the whole time in the hospital and in her first 7 weeks has been in the bassinet by my side of the bed. Even though she is in the closest spare bedroom to us and is safe, it felt so far away! It was probably good for both of us that we started this habit now, rather than later. It was hard on me last night but she didn't know any different. It saves many nights of tantrums later in her life- or so I hope. ;) The monitors both worked well. I could see her in the dark thanks to the awesome night vision and the motion sensor alarm didn't go off (we tested it a few different ways before putting her to bed just to make sure it would work in the event the unthinkable were to happen).  She slept a total of 6.5 hours with one diaper change & feeding around 1:00 am.

Sleep video monitor:

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Little girl, big crib- her first night was a success!

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She woke up around 5:00 am with a poopy diaper so I changed her and fed her then headed downstairs. I put her in her swing and got a couple more hours of sleep! She was a well rested baby and gave me some smiles this morning before playtime on her bug mat.

Happy well-rested baby:

From Our Rainbow

We're loving our little Rosebud and can't believe how fast time is flying. I took advantage of Walgreen's great deal of 55% off prints to actually PRINT some photos (aside from the professional newborn prints I took of her).  I like to make Picaboo books and plan to do that for her, but I'd also like to have good old fashioned photo albums with photos to flip through.  In this digital age I admit I'm terrible about printing images, so with Rose I plan to make a point of printing them so we can look through them and so she has something to take with her some day when she grows up.  Looking through the photos I was amazed at all the changes in her so far.  She was such a tiny peanut when we brought her home. It's sad but fun to see what she will do next. :)

One Month

Where has the time gone?! I can't believe Rose is already one month old!

Don't let the sleeping baby photo fool you, baby Rose has been quite fussy the past few days.  She's becoming more & more aware of her surroundings and she knows when we put her down. I think she's been gassy - the girl can sure make some noise in that diaper! I attempt to burp her after feedings but it doesn't always result in a burp.

I'm still exclusively breast feeding, and for the most part it has been easy from day one. I went into it with an open mind before she was born, thinking that if it worked out, great; if not, that's OK too. It's pretty cool to think she's grown so much just from what I have given her. I've pumped a few times and trying to get into a routine of doing so more often. She has been offered the bottle (with breast milk) a couple times by her daddy.  At first she rejected it but after a minute or so she downed the one ounce of milk in less than five minutes! That is a challenge because normally it takes her much longer to get that out of me where the bottle requires very little work on Rose's part. It's all a learning process.

Rose gets a bath every few days. She still isn't a big fan of the tub. She's so strong that she pushes off of the infant seat in attempt to escape. She's going to be a handful when she actually physically can do so! I'm hopeful that in time she'll come to love bath time. She does like it after the bath when she can stare into the mirror on the counter or changing table. Silly baby!

Our latest bedtime routine isn't the greatest. We have a nice bassinet next to our bed however she doesn't seem to like it anymore. She is happiest in her pack n play bassinet down in our family room but she will soon outgrow that. I don't see much sleep for me in the near future! I'm not quite ready to put her in her crib yet. Even though we have a very nice video monitor over the crib in the nursery that sees in the dark I still want to be able to look over quickly to make sure she's breathing in the middle of the night. I have to figure something out soon because I'm missing my bed!

Other than the past few days, Rose is a generally happy baby and we can't complain!

One Month
Weight: 8.5 lbs
Length: 22 inches
Diaper Size: Newborn (almost ready for size 1)
Clothing Size: Newborn (almost ready for 0-3 months)
Milestones: Recognizes our voices, found her hands, strong neck & leg muscles- likes to push up & off of things/us

From Our Rainbow

Rose with Rose the elephant ~ 1 Month

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for comparison, here she was with the elephant at 1 Day (in hospital)

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Rose's Newborn Photo Shoot

Most people who know me know that I do photography on the side. Even though it was tiring, I had a lot of fun finally photographing a baby of my own! I put together a video/slideshow of some of my favorite images to share. Enjoy!!

Happy 1st Valentine's Day

Our little Rose celebrates her first Valentine's day today! With each passing day she becomes more & more alert and aware of her surroundings. Her eyes are open for longer spans and she likes to have more interaction.  So much has changed in 3 weeks!! She has almost outgrown her newborn clothes due to her length.

She was all dressed up today and even had a couple visitors. Aunt Sarah stopped by and so did Grandma G (my mom). She received the Lady and the Tramp DVD- an early start to her Disney collection. :)

Tim cooked up a great meal- Halibut with tomatoes & onions, green beans and crab cakes with a lemon aioli sauce. I'm so lucky he's such a great cook! Rose will reap the benefits of that meal too (hopefully she'll enjoy it too!).

I had planned on making cake pops today but just ran out of time. Taking care of a newborn, editing photos of Rose, making gifts for Tim and the grandparents, laundry, breast feeding, I could go on & on...

Our little Rose

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Rose & her gifts from us

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Ring from Daddy

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Our crafty gift to Daddy- Rose's foot prints (non-toxic paint) on a painted wood frame with a photo of Rose

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Coping with a baby here, a baby not

I wasn't sure which blog to post this on because it directly relates to both babies, Sofia and Rose.

It has already been over 3 weeks that we've had our "rainbow" baby and while we have loved having her with us we still struggle with the grief for her sister.

While I was pregnant I made myself step away from my grief as much as possible out of fear.  Fear that being too upset, crying and feeling sad might hurt this baby.  After losing Sofia then miscarrying Sam while grieving hard I was terrified of this. I still thought of Sofia every single day but didn't allow myself to get out my emotions during most of my pregnancy.

Now that Rose is here, the emotions are very present. It isn't "baby blues". It is finally coping with feelings that most likely will never be gone.

I always knew that having another baby would not in any way make us "better".  It has brought us happiness and fills the void of being able to parent a living child, but it does not in any way replace Sofia and just like when anyone else dies, there is a clear sense that someone is physically missing from the group.

Tim & I have both cried several times in the past few weeks over this. Rose looks very much like her sister.  Not many people saw Sofia like we did- immediately after she was delivered, still looking ALMOST alive. That's how I remember her in my mind's eye.

When I'm rocking Rose in the nursery, touching her hair, looking down at her sweet face, I have tears because I remember holding Sofia and looking at her for that very brief time. It makes me sad that we will never be able to do things with Sofia. It just brings back a lot of pain and emptiness.

We miss Sofia more now than ever.

On Jan. 29th, when Rose was only 8 days old, we took her for a visit to the cemetery.  Weather was warm for January and we wanted to start early with bringing her to where her sister is laid to rest. This might seem strange to some people and of course we would prefer a photo of the girls together in a different way but this is our reality.

From Our Rainbow

Sunday, January 22, 2012 ~ Rose Comes Home

It was Sunday morning and we were ready to leave the hospital and get back to our house. Tim & I got ready early in the morning and he made a few trips out to the car so there’d be less to load up when we officially were discharged. 

One of the nurses we’ve stayed in touch with, Mary, was working that day and she stopped in our room.  I was feeding Rose at the time and we talked for a bit. She had a photo of some huge yellow roses she had received from her husband not long after we lost Sofia.  She made a copy of that photo and wrote all of Rose’s birth stats on the back. She said they were the most beautiful roses she’d ever seen.  It was nice of her to think of us, Sofia, and Rose. 

We had to wait for both the pediatrician and the on call Dr. for me to give their OK for us to leave. We had to take the few ‘tests’ from watching the videos about SIDS, etc. and I had paperwork to fill out for Rose and for being discharged. It was a long wait for the doctors but finally, after 12:00 pm we were free to go!

Rose’s “going home” outfit was supposed to be this cute pale pink bunting from my mom but it turned out to be way too big and didn’t work well with the car seat. It sure was funny to see her in it though. :) Reminded us of the little brother in “A Christmas Story”. 

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The weather has been unseasonably warm for Nebraska so it wasn’t freezing cold which was nice. We loaded up the cart and headed down to the lobby. Rose & I waited with the nurse while Tim pulled the car up.  It wasn’t long before we were in the car and leaving the hospital! I sat in the back seat with Rose and on the way home talked to her about crazy drivers and how she would have to watch out for them some day.

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Rose's first elevator ride!

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Getting in the car that day brought back memories of being discharged the last time - withOUT Sofia. That time was a bright, warm, sunny October day and I always have remembered it, thinking it would have been a great day to bring home a baby. 

It’s sad that all of the magical “firsts” with Rose will somehow be tainted by the grief we still have for her big sister. 

Nevertheless, we were beyond happy to be driving to our house - this time, WITH our baby.

When we pulled up in the driveway there was a “It’s a girl!” sign and balloon stuck in the rose bush by the front porch along with a sign on the front door.  My mom put it there for us to see when we got home. 

It was funny how normal it felt to bring her into the house.  We took her out of her car seat, put her in the Pack ‘N Play bassinet and released the dogs so they could become acquainted. As expected, Moose ran around like a nut, trying to take the blankets and anything he could find. Maggie was more timid and slowly stretched her neck out to sniff the bassinet and figure out where those new, unfamiliar sounds were coming from. 

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The rest of the day was spent changing, feeding and sleeping. We had fun watching all the funny faces Rose had and Tim cooked up beef stew for dinner. We were home and it felt like we had been doing this for years. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012 ~ Day 2

We didn’t sleep a whole lot the first night, mostly due to the nurses coming in every hour to check on us. I doubt I would have slept much anyway because I was breast feeding Rose. She slept in the hospital bassinet beside me while Tim slept in the fold-out bed. Tim was very helpful and if I needed something he got up right away. Being swollen and sore made it hard to get up & out of bed quickly so I really appreciated that.


I finally decided to get up (stay up) after 6:00 am. We ordered breakfast and I decided to take a shower on my own. I couldn’t wait to feel clean & refreshed. After showering I actually put some makeup on and did my hair (so glad I brought my blow dryer!). Tim had to run out to the car to get it for me that morning. I had left it in the car because I couldn’t remember if the hospital had them or not. I just needed to feel “normal” again. I still had my towel on my head when Rose began crying. Tim did the best he could to console her - he walked with her around the room & talked about random things. I overheard him telling her how pretty she was and how some day he would dance with her at her wedding. (I had a huge smile; that was so sweet to hear) Eventually I took her so she could be fed while I finished getting ready. This is taking multi-tasking to a whole new level! :)


My Dr. was not on call that weekend so another Dr. at his practice did rounds in his place. She came in and commented on how nice I looked for just having a baby. I told her I just had to feel refreshed (and I did!). I was worried about the pressing on my belly but it wasn’t too bad. The nurses had been doing it ever since I delivered Rose so I was already used to it. I had heard that breast feeding can cause the uterus to contract down resulting in more cramps but I didn’t notice a difference this time compared to when I delivered Sofia.


One reason we chose to deliver at the same hospital was the hospital staff. When we were there in 2010 with Sofia the compassion and support we received was amazing. We really felt comfortable going back there knowing how great the care would be. When we were admitted this time a few of the nurses commented how they remembered Sofia. (These were not even the nurses who directly cared for me at that time) One nurse commented that they saw Sofia’s name in my chart and they all remembered how beautiful she was and all the hair she had. It really meant a lot to us that over a year later she was still remembered there. On Saturday morning one of those nurses - the one who sat up with me the entire night after losing Sofia, talking with me about everything and anything just so I would feel better - she surprised us by stopping in our room to visit Rose. She popped in and said she heard that I was in the hospital having Sofia’s sister and had to come up on her day off to say hello. She thought we probably wouldn’t remember her and she said she colored her hair darker. We knew right away who she was and told her so. How nice to have so many people who cared. We brought a framed photo of Sofia to the hospital because we wanted her to be a part of the experience. She is after all part of our family too.


We figured there would be many visitors that day but as it turned out, nobody showed up until approx. 2:30 pm. It was nice to have Rose to ourselves all morning/afternoon. We took turns holding her and taking some photos. Then everyone showed up all at once. It was kind of nice to have all the visitors there at the same time and leave at the same time so we had quiet time once again. We were happy that people came to see Rose. We only had a couple more visitors before the evening turned into night.


Rose’s hearing test was that night and we decided we both wanted to accompany her. First she was weighed and she peed on the scale (and her blanket). We took photos of the wires hooked up to her for the hearing test. She looked like she had some big head phones on, jamming away. She passed the test and we went back to our room for some sleep.


Some photos from the day:


Rose Maria

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Our family photo, including Sofia. Hard to smile when she isn't here physically...

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Rose being weighed before her hearing test. She was just slightly jaundiced and down from her birth weight, but nothing too concerning. She did not like being naked and peed on her blanket!

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Daddy keeping Rose calm. She just stares up at him whenever he talks- so sweet.

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Hearing test (or jam session, haha)

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