36 Weeks

Last Tuesday was my 36 week ultrasound appointment. Great news is that she is still head down, facing my back, just like she needs to be for delivery! She is now measuring right on track for 36 weeks and according to their measurements she is weighing in at 6 lb 12 oz!! (this can be off by 20% in either direction though)

Because of how she is facing it was difficult to get a good face photo but we did get a couple half-decent ones. I asked about the cord and whether they could tell if it was near or around her neck and it didn't appear to be.  There is some cord in front of her face but not near the base of her neck. That relieved me a little. The tech said she had great amniotic pockets that should make the amnio a little easier.  The cool part of the ultrasound was when she opened her eyes!! No picture of that but it was fun to see.

It sure is hard to breathe these days- especially lying down for the ultrasound. We were almost done then the tech accidentally hit a button and cleared out the recorded measurements so she had to start over.  On the bright side, we had more time to watch baby girl on the monitor.

My Dr. did his first check of my cervix and much to my disappointment- not even a little bit dilated or effaced. Boo.  I thought for sure there would be some change going on, especially based on how I'm feeling these days!! It seriously feels like someone kicked me between the legs.  Baby's head is putting lots of pressure down there but apparently not enough to make any progress (yet).

I'm starting to get more anxious about labor & delivery and all the "what-if's" and unknowns/uncertainties. The nurse scheduled my induction so if baby's lungs are mature after the amnio on 1/19, they will admit me to the hospital at 6:00 pm, give me Cervidil (to ripen cervix), then pitocin Friday morning.

I'm nervous about the Cervidil but originally my Dr. said we'd use Cytotec which seems more scary based on what I've read online.  Then again, there are risks with everything.  He said he uses both so he was fine with using Cervidil.  Out of the two, I prefer to use that one because it can be removed if needed (compared to Cytotec which is a pill).

Then there's the chance of a failed induction (if my body isn't ready and doesn't respond to labor). If that happens, my induction may be rescheduled a few days later. The thought of that really stinks but I agree with my Dr. on it because wearing out my body/uterus would not be good postpartum (risk of hemorrhage, etc.).

I'm hoping since this is my 2nd full term pregnancy and labor that my body will quickly "remember" what to do and take well to the induction.

Before we lost Sofia I was very much against inductions.  I felt (and still do feel) that the best time for baby is on baby's terms - when they are ready, they will come.  It's tough because I still feel that way yet I also feel that I'd rather not risk losing another baby at 40 weeks for unknown reasons.  It's hard when your own feelings are contradictory. I just want her to get here safely and ALIVE.

I had a NST (non-stress test) again on Friday and baby still looks great and met her required minimum of 3 fetal heart rate accelerations in the first 20 minutes. (Which just means she adjusts well to movement, blood flow, etc.). At one point I had a contraction (not painful) and it was off the chart.  C'mon, contractions, let's get regular & get this baby out!!! I'd love for it to start naturally (preferably before the amnio!).

Here are the two latest ultrasound photos:

2D- This is of her face.  It's hard to see, but she is sideways (forehead to the right).  The large white area is her cheek & her eye is just above that.  Only half her face is visible.

From Our Rainbow

3D- Smooshed face photo. I think her nose was squished up because it looks different in this picture compared to previous ones.

From Our Rainbow

Catching Up! Already 35 weeks!

Wow do I have a lot to catch up on for this blog. At the beginning of this pregnancy I thought for sure I would be updating this constantly, documenting my pregnancy every step of the way. Little did I know that I would become too busy and otherwise exhausted to maintain my blogging.

Anyone who has been pregnant knows the first trimester drains you of all energy and when you aren't working you just feel like sleeping.  Once the second trimester hits, you are still small enough to maneuver around and a burst of energy comes back.  This means hurry up & get things done you weren't able to accomplish in the past three months! Then you grow and suddenly the third trimester hits.

That's where I am now, feeling huge & ready for this baby to be born! Others have said subsequent pregnancies are harder than the first and I agree.  My pregnancy with Sofia was great- I was happy the entire time and excited at each new phase & milestone. After suffering the loss of her at 40 weeks then another loss (miscarriage of Sam early on), this pregnancy has been different.  I can't complain too much but the nervousness, anxiety & worry this time has been hard. The first trimester I worked myself into a frenzy at every Dr. appointment, expecting the worst.  I was surprisingly calm during the 2nd trimester.  Now, as baby's arrival approaches, I find myself back to that scary place of worry & fear.

My last ultrasound was at 32 weeks.  Baby was measuring a week ahead (33 weeks) and to my happiness, she was no longer breech! (STAY THAT WAY, BABY!!!!) I had a different person who did the ultrasound this time and she was fun to talk to, although she made me cry... She asked about our loss (Sofia) and how far along I was.  When I told her, she teared up and started telling me about a good friend of hers who also lost a baby in 2010.  Turns out that baby is buried at the same cemetery as Sofia (she died a few months earlier, during the summer) and that BLM is also pregnant & due in January! We had lots to talk about.  We have seen her baby's grave and at Christmas time Tim fixed the wreath that had fallen down at her stone.

I started my NST's (non-stress tests) at 33 weeks (Dec. 20th was the first one that week).  I go in twice per week for these.  The first one was a bit nerve-wracking because it took some time for the nurse to get the heart beat.  I knew baby was OK because I had just felt her move in the waiting room however once you've been scarred like we have, all rationale goes out the window.  It literally took 5 minutes to find the right spot!  Little girl has proven to be quite mischievous at each appointment.  She clearly does NOT like to be monitored as she kicks and moves away from it constantly.  The good news is, so far at least, the results have been "perfect" and there were plenty of movements for me to record.

A good friend & fellow photographer took some maternity photos of me (and a few with Tim). It's hard to set a self-timer and do it myself so I appreciated her doing this for us.  Here's a link to a few of the photos on her site: click here

Today I am 35 weeks and feeling pretty darn uncomfortable. I'm not sure if baby has officially dropped but let's just say when I sit, she (my belly) rests on my legs. I think she's dropped. I think/hope she is still head-down but it's hard to tell. I'm looking forward to the ultrasound next week to know for sure. I've been having braxton hicks contractions for much of the pregnancy (just feels like my belly is super hard/tight) but lately they've been more uncomfortable. I really wonder if my body is getting ready and if I'm dilated at all. I had another pregnancy massage last Friday - the kind with the belly cut-out on the table (padded for comfort). It was great.  I was in need of another one by end of day!

Acid reflux is something I didn't experience with Sofia. This time- even water does it. Bleh. Not fun to wake in the night with a dry mouth, take one of many pee breaks, drink water, then have to sleep sitting up so the water stays down. My hips and everything hurt so much more this time. So bad that I'm nearly in tears some days. I suppose my body never really recovered from a full term pregnancy before diving back in.  I don't regret it at all and it is all worth it. I told Tim though, not sure I'm ready to have another one any time soon!!  This body needs a break!!

My actual due date is Feb. 6th but the plan is to do an amnio at 37 weeks. It isn't set in stone, but we're shooting for the amnio on Jan. 19th. If her lungs are mature, we will induce the next day, Jan. 20th. I requested to be admitted to the hospital on the 19th for monitoring rather than come in the morning of the 20th and my Dr. was OK with that.  Now, if her lungs are NOT mature, that means I will have to wait until 39 weeks for the induction. Please, oh please, have mature lungs!!! Not sure I can handle waiting until 39 weeks.

Early on in this pregnancy I was given a gift from my cousin's mother-in-law.  (Side story- this woman sadly lost a grandchild years & years ago. She was babysitting the child when the baby died from SIDS) She gave me a religious book called "The Original Mothers Manual" By A. Francis Coomes, S.J. It was a very thoughtful gift and honestly I had set it aside for awhile.  Recently I pulled it out and read from it. Here is one prayer I thought was fitting:

For an expectant mother
Dearest Mary, I look to you now for the help of your maternal love.
You understand my trials as an expectant mother. You bore Jesus in your womb. You know the doubts and anxieties that beset me; you know the bodily suffering I endure.
Like you, may I turn all these sorrows into joy. You overcame anxiety by a loving trust in God; you overcame doubt by gentle resignation to his will. Your motherhood lifted your mind above earth and kept it close to God.
So speak to Jesus now with me, beloved Mother, as I seek prayerfully to learn to bear the trials of motherhood with joy.
Mother of Perpetual Help, 
Pray for me!


Photo update:

This is old news by now, but here's a couple ultrasound pics from 24 weeks:
Her right arm is in front of her face:

From Our Rainbow

Her left hand is up over her head:

From Our Rainbow

Here is my 'belly art' from the baby sprinkle (smaller version of a baby shower). My sister-in-law held the shower & had this as an activity. My mom drew the outline around my belly profile.

From Our Rainbow

Before Christmas I went out with some friends from work to a pottery place where you can glaze pre-made ornaments. One of them I made for baby on the way:

From Our Rainbow

Here are the most recent ultrasound pics from 32 weeks. (Next ultrasound is next week, at 36 weeks)
face profile:

From Our Rainbow

Her nose is smooshed and it looks like she might have a dimple on her chin but it could just be the distorted ultrasound pic.

From Our Rainbow

We think she's pretty darn cute- big lips & all!!

From Our Rainbow

Here's me on Christmas Eve:

From Our Rainbow

It's a...

GIRL!!!!!

Sofia & Sam have a little sister to watch over and we have another daughter on the way!!

We are very happy and excited but still cautious of course. I have lots of photos from the gender reveal party yet to download and will share how we told, soon! A few people/BLM's were waiting for this post so I thought I better at least say what we're having. :)

More to come!

Week 20

Wow, I'm more than half way through this pregnancy! Baby is active and kicking more each day, especially after a meal. Since we know I will be induced before 40 weeks I'm actually MORE than half way through! That is something!!

Today was our 20 week ultrasound appointment.  Thankfully, everything is very good! Baby measured at 12 oz (perfect) and all the major organs are accounted for and look normal. Placenta is posterior (towards my back) which might explain why I feel this baby kick more than I did with Sofia early on (placenta was anterior (front) with her which acted like a cushion). My cervix is long & closed- baby is not getting out yet! The amniotic fluid was good (not too much/too little) and MOST importantly- heart was beating away at 140 BPM. Yay!

Baby was very mobile on the ultrasound but cooperated nicely when it came time to take measurements, etc. We saw baby dance around, put his/her hands in front of his/her face, rest his/her hand on their forehead (was so funny- like baby was saying, enough already with the pictures! ha- wait until you are born baby!!!! don't you know who your momma is!!? ;)) The cutest pic is of him/her smiling.

We did get to see the gender and have a pic of that too, but that news will have to wait a bit longer- until after this weekend when we spill the beans to family at our football/gender reveal party!! It will be nice to share that news and not have to be so cautious about keeping it a secret. :) But anyone who know me knows- I can definitely keep a secret! So good luck to anyone who tries to take advantage of my pregnancy brain. That part is hard-wired!!

We discussed whether or not to have Dr. refer us to a perinatologist and in the end, we decided against it. Dr. left it up to us but when we took everything into consideration, the care we are getting (and will continue to receive) at his office will be just as thorough and attentive to ours and baby's needs. We're comfortable with this Dr. and he's allowing an ultrasound at every appointment from here on out.

So I go back in 4 weeks for the 'fun' glucose test where I get to drink the yucky orange drink and get another peek at baby.  After that I go again 4 weeks later (28 wks) for another routine appointment & ultrasound. The next appointment will be at 32 weeks and from that point on I'll go in every two weeks with ultrasounds and non-stress tests to monitor baby.

It will be up to us to decide if we want to do an amnio at 37 weeks (the soonest that they will do it) to test for baby's lung maturity. We would get the results back within hours that same day and would be induced the following day! 37 weeks puts us at the week of January 16th.

If we decide against the amnio, the soonest they will induce is 39 weeks. Hmm. Not sure how I feel about that. 39 is awfully close to 40. 40 is a number I am NOT comfortable with.

We discussed the risks and benefits of both options and will decide in the coming weeks/months.  One thing's for certain- assuming baby stays put & healthy until then, he/she will be born in January! (and not Feb. 6th, the due date)

So here are some amazing shots of our newest little one (minus the gender pic!).


2D profile pic of baby's face

From Our Rainbow

4D pic of baby's face, partial profile

From Our Rainbow

4D pic of baby's profile, hands & arms dancing around

From Our Rainbow

4D pic of baby's face with hand on head!

From Our Rainbow

My FAVORITE- 4D pic of baby SMILING!

From Our Rainbow

We ARE officially attached & are so looking forward to holding this living baby in our arms!

September 11, 2011

Where was I when the world stopped turning...on that September day?

Wow, ten years has flown by in an instant it seems.  Baby, assuming you continue to grow and are born healthy we will some day share stories with you about the awful day on 9/11/01.

Ten years ago we were newlyweds living in our first place together.  Your daddy was still taking college classes and I was driving to work when I heard something on the radio that didn't quite make sense to my ears. I flipped a few stations and the same thing was being said everywhere. The first plane hit the Twin Towers in New York City. I drove quickly to work and watched it all play out on the T.V. in our break room. It was all everyone talked about that day.

Daddy was sitting in class when the first plane crashed and his professor made a comment about the media probably just making a big deal out of something like they usually tend to do. Daddy (along with several others in class) decided to ditch class and see what was happening to our country. He listened on the radio as it all played out.  We emailed each other back & forth about what was going on and talked to family later that day.

I remember that evening having a feeling of shock and disbelief. We sat on the couch, glued to our T.V. watching them replay over & over again the awful sight of the towers and all the plane crashes. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling for all the family members who lost someone that day.  For months the country seemed to unite more than ever and the endless images of that horrific scene were on T.V., the paper, the internet.  It was difficult to look at but we couldn't look away.

Today, ten years later, nobody has forgotten all that was lost. Lives, innocence, security. It's a different place now, little one.  We watched some footage this weekend which brought back so many emotions. Daddy asked me to stop crying because he didn't want me to get upset at the risk of harming you. Listening to so many families discuss how this happened ten years ago but it still feels like yesterday.  I can relate because as the eleventh month anniversary since your sister went to heaven approaches it still feels like yesterday that I was holding her in my arms.

Some day when you're old enough, we'll show you everything about 9-11 so you don't forget either.

Hope

I've been following another BLM's journey of carrying a baby after losing her first and was so happy and relieved for her today to see her baby was born and is ALIVE! It gives me added hope that this will happen for us! It's something only fellow BLM's can understand- it doesn't seem quite possible after such a devastating loss. Here's a link to her blog for anyone interested in reading: http://angelarodman.blogspot.com/2011/09/bennett-william.html

Our baby is still kicking every now & then. It is becoming more frequent and stronger and I look forward to seeing him/her on the ultrasound again soon!

Sleepless Night

Last night I woke up around 2:00 AM with a sharp pain in my right side. It jolted me up & I yelled "Ouch" which woke up Tim. I told him I had a sharp pain and he told me to take some deep breaths & try to relax. I did that and tried to fall back asleep (the pain went away as quickly as it came) but it was so hard to sleep. I was filled with worry. Now that I'm almost halfway through this pregnancy I feel myself growing more & more attached. I can't put it into words but the feeling is so much stronger as this pregnancy progresses. The pain might have just been gas or round ligament pain but it still scared me until it stopped. I need sleep. I need to stop waking up every night around 3am like I have been recently. I need January to get here and for this baby to be born healthy!!!